This is probably the most common piece of advice you will get if you want to overcome premature ejaculation: just think unsexy thoughts!

So basically they are telling you that if you want to last longer, then you should think of something like mowing your lawn, or an ugly fat old lady or arithmetic while you’re having sex.

Now it is true that this can in fact reduce your sexual arousal.

But it’s also true that it will take away much of the pleasure of intercourse. And not just for you – for your partner too. Because you have to really focus intensely on a washing machine (or whatever unerotic thought you’re harboring in your mind) to make it have an effect. And don’t you think your partner will somehow sense that you’re distracting yourself from the experience?

And distracting yourself from the sexual experience can actually backfire: because you don’t build up a tolerance to erotic stimulation, but instead you become more sensitive to it. So while this technique can sometimes lead to short-terms gains in your performance, in the long run it could do you more harm than good.

What’s more, if you’re actually thinking of something specific all the time when you’re extremely horny, you could actually start to subconsciously associate sexual arousal with that object or activity. Now this might sound funny, but unless you want to mow your lawn with a boner next time, don’t think of mowing the lawn every time you get really excited – you’re basically teaching your brain that there’s a connection between sexual excitement and lawn mowing.

Now again, I am not saying that thinking unsexy thoughts doesn’t help at all to control your arousal.

It can indeed help, and if you’re struggling with premature ejaculation, you might think: ‘Heck, better to distract myself mentally for 5 minutes than to ejaculate after 50 seconds.”

But the thing is – there are better ways of lasting longer.

So if you are finding a fix for a certain problem, wouldn’t you want to find the best fix rather than a mediocre fix?

The reason why I have created this whole project is so that I can share the best of the best stuff with you, not so I can serve you another rehashed version of the same advice you already find on hundreds of other of websites, and every third man’s magazine.

Let me ask you this: do you want ho-hum sex, that’s good enough to get you off, and every once in a while your girlfriend?

Or do you want to have mind-blowing sex that leaves your brain totally empty and you totally satisfied in a state of bliss? That kind of “reset button sex”, where you feel like born again and totally fresh out of the oven for the rest of the day?

My guess is you want the amazing, mind-blowing sex. And you simply will never get there by thinking unsexy thoughts. You’ll never become the passionate love-making machine you could be when you distract yourself with unsexy thoughts.

There are other mental arousal control techniques, and I talk about them in great length in Sexual Stamina Secrets.

How To Control Sexual Arousal For Men

One of the things that you’ll need to to if you want to beat premature ejaculation is that you’ll be able to control your sexual arousal levels.

Now notice that I did not say AVOID or REDUCE sexual arousal.

Because that’s not what I’m recommending you to do.

Stuff like: “Think of algebra when having sex” or anything of that kind.

You see, when you think unerotic thoughts during sex, you have less fun, and you’re less excited, and your partner will feel that you’re not 100% at it, and it’s just not good sex.

There’s a better way to control sexual arousal for men.

But in order to control sexual arousal, you first need to be able to understand your sexual arousal.

You can’t control what you don’t understand. Simple rule of life.

So let me ask you this: how does your arousal work?

There are many ways to look at it, but I found that the most practical way of looking at it is to divide sexual arousal into 4 phases:

  1. The “getting hard” phase – this is where something makes you horny and blood flows into your penis and you get an erection.
  2. The “hard & easy” phase – this is where your erection is hard and strong, but you’re still kind of in an easy state. You’re not overly excited. Your balls are still kind of hanging losely.
  3. The “getting there” phase – this is where your arousal and excitements really starts to escalate, and your genital area gets warm, the head of your penis gets bigger and more sensitive and you can “feel it cumming”.
  4. The ejaculation phase – this is where your perineal muscles finally contract and you ejaculate and have your orgasm.

Now sexual arousal control is all about “surfing in phase 2”. Because as soon as you get into phase three, you either gotta cool down back into phase two, or you just get “ready to launch”.

The first step is to simply be aware of what is happening. Self-awareness is a prerequisite for self-control.

Interestingly, the arousal stages are mostly controlled by what’s going on in your head, and not what’s going on with your body. The psychological part weights in much more heavily than the physiological part.

So it’s pretty much a head game. Now that’s good, because you can learn to control this part of the arousal process.

So how do you train to control your arousal?

Well, the best way for most men will be to do this when they are masturbating. You see, next time you masturbate, just try to intuitively stay at phase one – and when you feel like crossing over into phase three, just slow down, cool down a bit – this can be difficult, but it’s an important practice exercise.

There’s more to sexual arousal control, and I cover a lot of it in Sexual Stamina Secrets. You can get it for free if you click on that link.

Dopamine & Premature Ejaculation

Dopamine is a substance that you can really get hooked on. And if you are dealing with premature ejaculation (PE) then that’s a good sign that you already are addicted to it.

You see, dopamine is just a substance your body releases when it wants to reward you.

Now your body isn’t nearly as sophisticated as you are. It has basically just one main objective in mind: keeping yourself alive, and passing on your DNA.

So when you engage in an activity which seems to support either of these, then your body pours out dopamine.

Eating for example causes your body to pour out some dopamine for you. Especially high-fat foods or foods that are very sugary. Because even though they are now considered unhealthy, simply because they are so abundantly available, for most of human history these were actually good foods when people didn’t have stable food supplies.

Another thing that causes your body to give you a little dopamine high?

Yep, sex.

Whenever you reach an orgasm, that’s when you get a big fat dose of dopamine. That’s why it feels so good.

Now the thing is – when you crave dopamine so desperately, that’s when you ejaculate too quickly. Because you’re chasing dopamine like a crackhead chasing the dragon. You lose control over your performance, and BOOM – it’s all over.

Too soon, too fast, to quick…

Now this is not the only cause of PE, but it’s often at least a contributing factor.

Answer these questions:

  1. Do you have a strong sex-drive (lots of sexual desire/fantasies)?
  2. Do you lack motivation and ambition and are kind of lazy?
  3. Do you always feel like you want more, and like you never really have enough?
  4. Do you feel depressed?
  5. Are you a competitive person?
  6. Do you have difficulty being affectionate and warm with other people?

Before you continue reading, please make sure that you have answered the question and just wrote down the answer to each question (simple yes/no).

You see, if you answered question 1, 3 and 5 with yes, than that’s an indicator that you’re generally a personality type who is craving dopamine.

Whereas if you answered question 2, 4 and 6 positively, then that’s an indicator that you don’t have enough dopamine in your life.

Now, keep in mind this is not a scientific assessment, but and the results should be taken with a grain of salt, the accuracy isn’t 100%. It’s just to give you an idea.

But there are a couple of things you can do to change the way you relate to dopamine.

In fact, that’s part of the How To Last Longer in Bed course, and yep, it’s (almost) free – all you need to “pay” is to give me your email address. But I’ll never sell, rent or do anything with it that I wouldn’t do with my best friends email 🙂

Premature Ejaculation Tips

Here a couple of premature ejaculation tips for men who don’t last long enough. Keep in mind that you might already be familiar with some of them, but finding just one that works for you can make a huge impact in your life.

And think about this: knowing how to overcome PE won’t do you any good.

The knowledge is worthless if you don’t put it into action.

So make sure that you actually try the things you will read about here.

Understand your biology

If you are really serious about wanting to overcome premature ejaculation then you should familiarize yourself with the fundamental physiology of male sex and how it all works.

It really isn’t rocket science, but it can be the key to turn you into a rock star in bed.

I commissioned a simple infographic for you, so you can get a picture of how erections work physiologically.


One of the most common complaints about condoms is that they make you less sensitive, because you feel less. However, when you’re struggling with PE that can actually be a good thing – because it can help you to last a little longer.

There are even thicker condoms made especially for men with PE that reduce the sensation during intercourse.

As long as you don’t suffer from condom collapse syndrome, everything is fine.

Think of Stocks

Now from all the premature ejaculation tips there are, this is probably the oldest one, but it still sometimes can help in emergencies. When you’re going and you want to last a little longer, just think of something that’s totally unsexy – like stock prices, or whatever is the most boring thing in the world for you.

Now this is not something you should always use – because it takes away from the pleasure and joy of sexuality, and it also creates a distance between you and your partner.


Edging simply means that you keep pushing yourself a little bit further. The most important thing is that you learn to recognize when you reach the point of no return. There is a very specific feeling that men get before they reach that point, and it’s called premonitory sensation. When you recognize this feeling, you can slow down and calm down, so you get more relaxed and your sexual excitements gets reduced a bit.

Now one thing you can do is to pull him out and instead do something else with your partner (manual stimulation or just lick her or make her beg you to put it back in, or whatever rocks your boat). This gives you some time to cool down and then keep going again.

There are plenty of premature ejaculation tips and every man is different, so it takes some experimenting and exploring to find out which works best for you.

Make Sex A Routine

Many men who suffer from premature ejaculation don’t have sex regularly. So when they do have sex, they get all worked up and excited and sometimes even anxious about it.

And anxiety or mental stress are the enemy of a strong erection. So what you want to do is to keep your cool. Believe it or not, the kind of mental training that athletes do to perform when the pressure is on can also help you to perform in bed 😉

Pelvic Muscle Exercises

The most well-know method of strengthening your pelvic muscles are Kegel exercises. The most important thing about Kegel exercises is that you DO THEM right. And they really work like every other muscle in your body: if you pay attention to them and play with them and train them, then it’ll grow stronger and it’ll help you to have harder erections and prevent premature ejaculation.

I share more premature ejaculation tips in How To Last Longer In Bed, and if you give me your email address, I’ll send it to you for free 🙂

Condom Collapse Syndrome

Condom collapse syndrome is when you lose your erection when you put on a condom.

Now first of all, please put your mind to rest:

you’re not impotent.

It’s simply a fact that when you wear a condom you feel less.

Now when you talk to “experts” (ahem…) about this, they usually will tell you:

“Oh, it’s just the anxiety. It’s just because you’re nervous when you put on a condom. Let the girl put on the condom, and that will have you so excited that you will maintain your erection.”

Uhm, yeah, right.

“Thank you very much Mister Expert.”

And when you tell them that didn’t do it, then they’ll recommend you talk to a professional counsellor.

Wow. Yet another “expert”.

And yeah, thinner condoms are a good idea, but for most people with real bad condom collapse syndrome, even super-thin high-sensitivity condoms don’t do the job.

The Physiology of Your Erections

In this article we are going to look at the physiology of erections and ejaculation – not so much because of how interesting it is, but because it’s an important element of understanding how to perform better and last longer in bed.

Ultimately the cause of most men’s premature ejaculation (PE) is that they have a over-responsive nervous system. Now your nervous system can be divided into two parts:

  1. your central nervous system and
  2. your peripheral nervous system.

Now this isn’t a medical classroom, so I’m just going to focus on what matters here, but it’s important that you have this basic framework of knowledge, so bare with me for a couple of more minutes.

Physiology of Erections

Click on image for full size

Your peripheral nervous system consists of two parts as well:

  1. the somatic nervous system and
  2. the autonomic nervous system.

And now there’s one more “layer of knowledge”: the autonomic nervous system is divided into the

  • parasympathetic nervous system and the
  • sympathetic nervous system.

And these two are what really matter when it comes to having sex, male stamina and PE.

Because it’s the interplay between your parasympathetic nervous system and your sympathetic nervous system that’s managing your arousal, your erection and your ejaculation.

Before we go on, try to remember this:

Your sympathetic nervous system USES energy.

Your parasympathetic nervous system CONVERSES energy.

You probably heard about the fight or flight response. This is the biological mechanism which is crucial to your survival, and it can override pretty much every other function in your brain.

So if your brain perceives something as a potential threat, the first thing it does is to go into defense mode and decide whether you should:

  • escape
  • or attack.

And it mobilizes all your energy and body systems to do that by basically switching everything else off, shutting all other systems down. That’s why it’s so hard to be reasonable or think straight when you are really, really upset about something.

Interestingly, your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system also respond to not just threats, but also positive excitement.

Now remember what you just learned about your sympathetic and your parasympathetic nervous system?

Your sympathetic nervous system is what gets you up and running, or fighting, it uses energy. And I like to think of it as soldier on a battlefield. Completely on alert, highly wired. I imagine a soldier drinking coffee when I think of the sympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system is all about relaxation. I imagine a stoner, laying in a hammock and saying: “Hey, chill man… take it easy.”

Now at the same time, the sympathetic nervous system (the soldier) is what triggers your ejaculation. The parasympathetic nervous system (the stoner) is what gives you a boner (it does so by relaxing the arteries in your pelvic area, which is a prerequisite for an erection).

Now what is so special about the interplay between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system when you have sex is that they operate together.

Usually the two of them work like an either/or switch. It’s either the one or the other. But when you have sex, that’s the rare exception; that’s when both systems are operating simultaneously.

As we said, it all starts with the parasympathetic nervous system (the stoner) by relaxing some of the blood vessels down there to give you an erection. And then the more you get worked up, the more excited you get, the more the sympathetic nervous system (the soldier) takes over.

It just heats up more until you reach the point of no return. That’s when your brain sends signals to your sympathetic nervous system (the soldier) and orders it to get ready to ejaculate.

Now you’ve gone through all of this, and maybe you have this question on your mind…

So what?!

How’s all that going to help you last longer?

Well, think about it.

If you want to maintain an erection, which of the two nervous systems should be the dominant one while you’re having sex? The sympathetic (soldier) or parasympathetic (stoner)?

Yes, the “stoner” system. Because that’s when your blood vessels are relaxed and your penis is hard.

But how do you control that?

How can you make sure you keep the parasympathetic nervous system in charge when having sex?

Well, that’s what my How To Last Longer in Bed is all about.

How Do I Last Longer in Bed?

This is one of the question I get the most often from men. How do I last longer i bed?

There are several ways to answer this question, and we are going to cover the best methods to last longer here.


You probably already have heard of this technique or instinctively made use of it, but if you just need a kind of quick-fix in the moment way to cope, this can work. While you’re having sex and getting all worked up and excited, just make sure to stop before you reach the moment of no return and make a short break so your excitement cools down a bit, and then keep on doing it. In most cases the break just needs to be somewhere around 10 seconds to help you keep going for a bit longer.

Desensitizing Condoms

Now most condoms already reduce the amount of sensation you get, but there are condoms especially with that purpose. They contain benzocaine, which is a substance that reduces the feelings on your penis. However, I don’t really recommend this – why should you have to “numb” yourself in order to last longer?

Squeeze It

The squeeze technique helps by temporarily repressing your ejaculatory reflex. This is what you do: just before you reach orgasm, you squeeze your penis right below the head, and you apply the most pressure on the urethra (which is the tube running near the underside of your penis).


At this point I want to tell you a short story about Steve. Steve came to me around 2 years ago and asked me: “How do I last longer in bed?”

And I told him about exercises and programs and techniques, and he asked me: Well, isn’t there just some pill I can take?

And yes, there are tons of pills you can take (and pay for).

But they don’t really help you to last longer, and/or they have some side effects of the kind you don’t want to deal with.

Masturbating before sex

While it is true that if you have already ejaculated once, ejaculating the second time will take longer, there’s a problem with this method too: you probably will enjoy sex less if you just rubbed one off. What’s more, your erection might not be as hard.

Train your PC muscle

Your pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) is what controls the intensity of your ejaculation – and if you have full control over your PC muscle, it can even control when you ejaculate.

Kegel exercises can help you to train your PC muscles.

The nice thing about PC muscle excercises is that you can do them pretty much everywhere you are.

So here is how you get started:

First of all, next time you pee, simply stop it midflow. There, that’s the muscle you want to exercise. The same muscle you use to stop urinating. Now during the course of your day, simply flex this muscle repeatedly to make it stronger.

For more tips get your free copy of Sexual Stamina Secrets.